This is a real “Computers not working” call to a real IT support desk.
Help Desk: Ring Ring, “Hello help desk, What’s the nature of the problem?”
Customer: Its not working
HD: “Sigh! let me get my magic wand out along with my wizards hat!”
HD: “What is the problem with your computer?”
Cust: ITS NOT WORKING!!!!
HD: “Okay, obviously my magic hat and wand aren’t going to be enough to solve this mystery, let me see if I can read your mind or perhaps I should grab my crystal ball. Ommmm, I see lights in the distance but no one appears to be home! What is the computer doing or not doing?”
Cust: I told you, ITS NOT WORKING!!!
HD: “Have you turned it on?”
Cust: Of course I have, do you think I’m stupid?
Cust: You’re not being very helpful, can you help me?
HD: “Well you haven’t actually told me what’s wrong with it yet!”
Cust: ITS NOT BLOODY WORKING!!!!!!!
HD: “Sigh! When you go to the Doctors do you just walk in and say “I’m ill” and let the Doctor guess what’s wrong?”
Cust: No, what, what are you talking about?
HD: “That’s exactly what your asking me to do, w h a t e x a c t l y i s y o u r PC d o i n g w h i c h i s w r o n g?”
Cust: Its not a PC it a Laptop!
HD: “FFS! What exactly, in as much details as humanly possible is wrong with your computer other than “its not working?” Particulars, details, information please!”
Cust: Er, the pointer thing on the screen isn’t moving when I move my mouse
HD: “Finally. *sigh!”
And people wonder why IT support people are sarcastic and have little or no patience for any PC user!